Friendship?

Basically I just feel really alone right now. I feel like the friends I thought I had aren''t true friends or rather unconditional friends. I just recently lost the closest person to my heart and at first everyone was around to support me. His best friends and my best friends. Lately that has faded away. I was suppost to go camping this weekend with the friends John and I shared and that fell through. They decided to invite people that don''t all get along well with eachother and I really just don''t want to be surrounded by drama. They didn''t seem to care that I wasn''t going or make the extra effort to talk me in to going. Maybe I shouldn''t expect that. I know at least one of them was just my friend because he wanted to get in my pants but when he learned that wasn''t going to happen he pretty much turned his back on me. I really was fooled in thinking that some of these people geniunely cared about me. Then my best friend Molly who has been listening and supporting me since John died basically told me that she doesn''t really want to talk about it with me because her boyfriend is in Iraq and it scares her that she could end up in my position. While I understand that, it is like if I can''t lean on my bestfriends while I am falling then how can I ever get back on my feet. I told her how I want to find a necklace to keep John''s ashes in and always have a picture of him in my house for the rest of my life and she asked me how I expected another guy to be okay with that. Another guy meaning, if I ever get into another relationship. I guess I just hoped that they would understand. Is that really too much to ask. John will always have a piece of my heart and I would think that if I should ever find another man as special to me that they would support and understand that. Molly also said that I am being stupid about the camping thing and that I shouldn''t worry about it because they weren''t my true friends. She says that in the big picture of life it really isn''t anything to worry about because there are other things going on. I think she was referring to the war and Andy being there. I understand that, but how can she know what it feels like when you don''t have friends to encourage you and keep you from falling into a deep depression after losing someone. She told me that I still have her as a good friend (which is true but I can''t talk about my feelings about John) and I still have my other friend Kelly (but she has a family and kids and alot on her plate). I told Molly that I was feeling like I didn''t have any other friends who really cared about me and wanted to make sure I was doing ok. She told me that she is doing all she can as my friend, but you need to heal yourself. I thought that was kind of harsh. I know that she wasn''t trying to hurt my feelings though. I am working on healing but I can''t do it alone. I have never had thoughts even close to suicide and I am not seriously thinking about killing myself, but it scares me that I am to the point where I can understand why some people do. Another friend that I am upset about not supporting me is my ex boyfriend. I was with him for 3 years in between my relationship with John and he was my best friend. He knows I am going through a hard time and he chooses not to call and check up on me because it will upset his new girlfriend if he talks to me. Molly says that she totally understands the girlfriends point of view, but I just didn''t think that friendships had conditions. But for Gosh sakes my boyfriend just died and I don''t think it is that big of a sacrifice to call and see how I am doing. It''s like everyones life moved on and John never existed and I am stuck all alone in a pile of quick sand. I feel selfish for wondering why my friends aren''t calling or why they can''t see that I am drowning, but I just don''t understand. Am I being irrational? is what Molly saying really true? Should I not expect support anymore? Maybe my friends are just sick of me talking about him or being depressed. One thing I do know is that not one of them has gone through something like this and if they ever do I will be the first and the last one to be by their side making sure they don''t fall.